2011 Daily Journal Pages...Day 284

2011 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 284: What Is the Potential of the Human Psyche?

2011 Daily Journal Pages...Day 283

2011 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 283: It's Time to Transition

2011 Daily Journal Pages...Day 282

2011 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 282: Out of Sight and Out of Mind

2011 Daily Journal Pages...Day 281

2011 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 281: Keeping Her Balance

2011 Daily Journal Pages...Day 280

2011 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 280: Straight from the Heart

2011 Daily Journal Pages...Day 279

2011 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 279: Searching, Craving

There is a constant hunger in the body. It shows up in a myriad of ways: need, addictions, rigidity, depression. Thankfully, it is counterbalanced by the desire to know, to question, to be one's most authenticate self, to be at peace, to love. A powerful dichotomy that can overwhelm, elate, affirm, or sedate. Where is your emphasis?

2011 Daily Journal Pages...Day 278

2011 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 278: More Fun Than a Honeymoon

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 277

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 277: Eventually You'll Come Up for Air

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 276

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 276: Unsaid, Unheard

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 275

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 275: Free-Floating Fake Flower Child

Yesterday's journal page reminded me of a poem I wrote when I was maybe 16 or 17. It described the feelings I experienced when picking dandelion puffballs. I'd blow them apart with my breath and watch them float on the wind. Watching them them swirl and move away from me was both poignant and motivating. I wanted that freedom of motion. And as most teenagers I struck out in the only way I new how -- I became a "hippie"(but not really -- I just pretended). I admired and adopted in varying degrees their middle digit salutes to the establishment, wild clothes, long hair, wicked pot, and free love. I dabbled, experimented, joined Planned Parenthood, and generally rebelled. And like most teenagers, I started the movement toward finding out who I really was. Somehow, I'm still workin' on that!

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 274

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 274: Moving with Freedom

One of the good things about this country is that it is based on freedom -- freedom of thought, speech, religion, beliefs, and even sexual persuasion (more or less). Unless you are confronted by a group of right wing bigots, you pretty much have the ability to live your life without too much persecution somewhere in the 52 states. But you do have to pay taxes, and you do have to follow the laws. So, you are still pretty much bound in your actions by societal mores and laws. I guess in this journal page I'm talkin' about freedom of just being -- being who you really are. Allowing yourself to move into that, even though it might be frowned upon or feared. I am looking forward to the day when I will move freely and give expression to it. Aren't you?

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 273

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 273: Be, Be, Be

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 272

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 272: A Provocative Argument for Imperfection

The internal critic is something I've never been able to get away from. It is a constant, nagging, repetitive, and brutal voice. But really, it's just a voice that carries on a conversation with no one -- although you'd think it's primary concern is to deride your efforts or uplift your spirits with empty pats on the back. But the critic is just a voice and it can be trained. Telling it to SHUT THE **** UP! doesn't do any good at all -- it kind of feeds on abuse. I do best with my critic when I just impassively watch its efforts. Rather impressive at times, I admit. But, it's all just a bunch of words. I'm gonna give it something else to say.

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 271

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 271: Sometimes Want To

Burning skies, a cold impersonal desert, encroaching dark -- regret wants to swallow you up and convince you that it is all there is. It's true that our actions sometimes cause pain to oneself or others. The "best laid plans of mice and men," so to speak. I think that's true in this world, the one I'm familiar with. Things unravel, grow old, disintegrate, die. But what if the heart continues to beat no matter what? What if the soul in all of its complexity and richness knows that love continues no matter how devastating the circumstances? What if that bloody sunset is actually a sunrise announcing a new moment where all things are new?

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 270

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 270: Beauty

I look at this collage and I think "This was me, once." I've owned 10 horses in my life -- the last was the greatest -- his name was Magic -- and he was that in every sense of the word. Affectionate, loyal, intelligent, a lovely mover -- with a smooth, ground-eating trot, and an easy, calliope canter. And a great, big horsey humor. He's passed on now, but the feeling of him remains: sometimes subtle, sometimes with a hugeness, I can "feel" his presence. Whether it's my synapses firing off, or his actual spirit, it makes no difference to me. Feeling is feeling -- and for me I'll know the truth once I transition out of this existence. For now, the feeling and the memories are enough.

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 269

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 269: Curtain Call

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 268

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 268: The Eyes Have It

2010 Daily Journal Pages...Day 267

2010 Daily Journal Pages -- Day 267: The Heart Knows No Reason

2010 Daily Journal Page Challenge...Day 266

2010 Daily Journal Page Challenge -- Day 266: Tell a Story

2010 Daily Journal Page Challenge...Day 265

2010 Daily Journal Page Challenge -- Day 265: The Sleeping Maiden Lies in Marin

Grey skies and a constant torrential downpour did not diminish my enjoyment of Christmas this year --mostly spent indoors with friends from 10am in the morning till 10pm at night. Live music for entertainment in the morning, a quick car trip with my husband to Fort Cronkite to see the wild surf and pounding waves, an early Christmas dinner overlooking misty blue hills. I missed my daily walk today, but all in all there was a sweet, generous spirit to the day. I am grateful for that. Merry Christmas to all!