My Beautiful Boy

Zeus Winking and Zeus Posing Photographs by Shara Switala

I have had cats all of my life. I find them comforting, mysterious, playfully manipulative, loving, and wise. I have never had to go looking for a cat -- they find me and work themselves into my life and my heart permanently, at least until it's time for them to say goodbye.

Last Friday, while we were still in Mexico, my best friend and pet sitter, Shara, took our male cat Zeus into the animal hospital. He was not eating and had a extremely high fever. I spent 2 worrisome days in Mexico and 1 flying home wondering if Zeus was going to live. I went straight from the airport to the hospital. They took me back to Zeus' cage and it was immediately obvious that he was a very, very sick animal. Yet my kitten and I were overjoyed to see one another. He struggled to stand up and started purring and pressed his head hard against my forehead. I was sobbing and he was purring. The feeling that poured out of me and back from my kitty was undeniable love. Oh my, it shook me to my bone marrow.

This past week has been a long road for Zeus and me, and my husband (who loves, if possible, Zeus even more than me). They finally identified some of illnesses and after 2 blood transfusions, massive amounts of antibiotics, thousands of dollars, he may at last be coming home this weekend.

Because animals cannot speak, there has always been a level of helplessness in my body as to deciphering their needs. It has forced me time and time again to look to some place in myself that knows the truth, knows that feeling and love and peace exist in a place that does not have much to do with pain, misery, and unhappiness. The latter does not exist in the same space as the former. But, where do you put your focus? You can't ignore the world around you. But neither can you ignore, beauty and love. Where do you put your focus without leaving something behind?

What would it be like to not feel helplessness? To just feel my mane blowing in the wind?