Back in the Saddle Again

All Her Pretty Horses (Altered Book): "You Have to Open the Door to Let the Horse Out of the Barn"

It's been a long time since I felt the desire to write in this blog. Looking at my last post I see my last entry was dated October 26th, 2012. My personal, creative, and business side has been busy and full so I've been utilizing my Facebook Fan Page -- Kentucky Girl Designs  -- just to keep interested friends updated with my creative output. But for longer posts? I just haven't had the energy. 

I started this blog four years ago to see if I could determine whether or not I really was an artist -- or at the very least a creative person. I had an agonizing need to claim this for myself, but the fears, self-judgement, and self-criticism was so great that I couldn't find my way down the path. I couldn't get out of the barn. I would start something then drop it. I would look externally for validation and if I didn't get it I'd quit. Heck, I would quit anyway. I really didn't need a reason. But somehow I got the gumption to do something about this split. I saw all over the internet art challenges. And I got to thinking, why don't I challenge myself? Let's see if I have what it takes to create something -- anything on a consistent basis. Let's see if I can keep myself pinned down when I get bored, anxious, nauseated, distracted. Let's see if I can create ugly and beautiful. Let's see.

So I started my blog in Jan 25, 2009 to record the exploration of my creative process. And to throw the gauntlet down for myself, I started a personal art challenge of creating one journal page a day. Collage would be my medium. Then I'd scan my pages and post them here. And my goal was to stick with it for one whole year, 365 days. I figured at the end of it I'd know whether I had what it takes to be an artist, a crafts person, a creative.

The good news is that four years later I can say "Yes!" to all of the above. And even though I've stopped doing my everyday pages (I stopped at page 1061) -- or haven't come here to talk about my creative process or struggles -- I am now creating every single day. Yes, my mane still blows in the wind, and I'm loving the freedom I found to express this essential part of myself.

Wanderings: Through the Hoops

"Through the Hoops" mixed media assemblage

I took a class over the past month at the Novato Arts Center. It was called "Rethinking 2-D" and was taught by Suzanne Stroebe. Suzanne has an investigative and experimental view of art. She firmly believes in the value of re-purposing materials and incorporating found items -- sometimes sustainable -- into your artistic endeavors. I would have never thought of using eucalyptus or lavender oil to make transfers from xerox/toner image copies. It smells so good and doesn't destroy your brain cells like xylene, turpentine, and even Citrasolve! I had fun returning to childhood crafts -- and adding them into a canvas or box assemblages.

I created the above little diorama from a shoe box, a discarded bristle brush rabbit, 3 gold hoops, and some junk photos. I wrote this text around the window: "She longed for green grass and a world where bunnies ran free..."  I enjoyed creating this assemblage -- it was made from miscellaneous items I had thrown into a paper bag and stuck in my barn.

In My Studio: Altered Books

Altered Books: "Techniques ("Santa Fe)" and "In the Woods"

Mixed Media: You Are the Person You Dreamed You Are

You Are the Person You Dreamed You Are

I did this 8 x 10 mixed media canvas sometime last month -- or was it the month before? Initially I didn't like the technique I was trying out (journal spilling and then adding multiple paper layers, gessoing then painting over). It's been lying around for a while in my art studio, in my office, in the house. But I've finally come to like it: the colors, the movement, the sparkles, the way I gessoed then painted over her dress with iridescent oil pastels.  It was prompted by the death of a friend, mentor, teacher -- Shirley Luthman -- and perhaps the mixed emotions of her leaving this world had to be processed before I could appreciate what she had left me with and what the painting represented of my journey.

Je Dessine ("I Draw") Show-and-Tell Monday

I am never going to be able to draw to my own personal satisfaction if I don't challenge myself! Last year I made the commitment of taking a drawing class every week. These were the first art lessons I had ever taken in my life. I had a patient, 85-year old teacher, Ms. Sabrina Terheune. She was fabulous and was always positive. We took a break from classes in the late fall and I have not yet restarted.
I realized that the degree to which you develop your drawing skills is related to how much you practice. The classes with Sabrina showed me that I could indeed draw, but I was not inclined to practice in between my classes. This month I decided that if I were to return to my classes I would first need to establish a drawing discipline.

And to help foster this I need to post my drawings regularly. Not everyday -- but at least once a week. So no matter what my drawings look like, I'm going to hold myself to this. Oh, I'm cringing at the thought. But I want to get past that inner critic and just go for it.
And I want to develop a style and feel a freedom in it. Bottom line, having personal art challenges (like my Daily Journal Page Challenge) and posting my work on my blog makes me be accountable to myself. So I am committing to posting one drawing every Monday for at least three months, and then reevaluate. This group of self portraits is my first submission -- I drew these over the past month.

They are all pretty scary to me. But what's also interesting is that I can also see something evolving from the first to the most recent. Just little things here and there -- from the eyes to the hair to the shape of the face to the style. Interesting...

Time Travels: His Tiger

Altered Book -- MizAdventures: His Tiger Spread (circa 2007)

Time Travel: Canyon Road

AB Techniques Book: Canyon Road, Santa Fe Spread, (circa 2005)

Mixed Media Drawing: Petaluma Farmland Drive By

As I continue along with my erratic practice of drawing, I drew this piece on the spur of a moment on a 8" x 10" canvas. It uses pencil, ink, watercolor pastels, chalk ink pads, and pen markers. That day I had been driving through the Petaluma farmland -- the hills were so green, and the barns were so dark in contrast. I always love to look at the old (and new) farm buildings along country roads. These structures are always so interesting to me, probably because I spent a lot of my childhood exploring barns and sheds in the Kentucky landscape. I was doing some collages and then just felt the desire to draw something. This is an unfinished piece. I am not sure where to go with it -- or even if I need to. But I wanted to post it and if I make any changes I'll repost with the results. What I liked about it most was the softness of the sky and the hillsides. The barn is a bit hard. But overall the piece is satisfying.

2010 Creative Every Day Challenge -- Day 2

Creative Every Day Challenge -- Day 2: I Sing the Body Electric!

OK, I'm doing a little backtracking here because reader koufax politely demanded it. Here was my submission for CED Day 2. I posted it in my Flickr set and sent it to the CED Flickr pool, but didn't post it here on my blog....mainly because I said in my Day 1 CED post here that there was no way that I was ever going to draw my thighs! Well, NEVER SAY NEVER!

When I saw Leah's CED post about body words, I thought of Walt Whitman's poem "I Sing the Body Electric". This is one of his twelve poems from Leaves of Grass. This is one of my favorite poems, because it's a celebration of the body, both male and female, of our physical humanity. And it contains some of the most incredible words about sexual love that was ever uttered by a man of the 19th century (written between 1847-1855). Move over D.H. Lawrence.

So, "I Sing the Body Electric" will be my words for this month, this year: to affirm, to act, to dance, to sing out, to paint, to create. And this mixed media collage came out of my musings, and yes, prompted me as I stood in front of the mirror, to pull down my jeans and draw what I saw! Is that too much information? Oh well, I was always a little bit of an exhibitionist! And I didn't say it would be a realistic drawing! Of course I had to embellish my grade school drawing to make it easier for me to submit it! LOL! So, koufax, you asked for it!

Collage: A Boy's Dream Travels

Collage: A Boy's Dream Travels

Found some time today to do another collage. I never know what's going to emerge. Four things that I keep in the back of my mind: Cover the whole page. Strive for balance. Don't try to figure out what the image selections mean. Just cut and paste.

I like all of the mystical elements that emerged in this -- a Mexican shaman, a cavern lit with golden light, the Buddha. Galileo's workshop in the background, animals. The boy stands next to a pole (missing a STOP sign?) in front of a village street. He's facing the future (as is the Buddha); travel, self-knowledge, growth, earning his stripes. When consulting Stephen Farmer's Power Animal oracle cards, giraffe represents foresight "the ability to see what's in store for the future".

Collage: Flotsom and Jetsam

Collage: Flotsom and Jetsam 11.11.2009, originally uploaded by beautiful my mane.

Started out as a random, closed eye drawing (with dominant right hand today), then started coloring in with iridescent chalks, added watercolors, added images, used some cat's eyes ink pads. Very humorous one for me cause I don't understand it, but enjoyed doing it.

Collage: There Was No Question

Collage: There Was No Question

How was I going to motivate myself today to get my art piece done for the Art Every Day of the Month Challenge? I just walked into my studio, turned the ipod on shuffle, and for a few minutes picked up around the room, and then grabbed a new handmade journal (handcrafted by my favorite journal maker -- Ann Renee Lighter --). I started using pieces of images lying around on my work surface, grabbed some ink pads, oil pastels, and iridescent chalks. I even made an attempt at drawing some flowers (please remember I am untrained in drawing -- so I am floundering around a bit here). It was fun, easy and it took all of 20 minutes. My mantras: Don't think -- just grab and tear; Don't think -- just pick up a sharpie; Don't think -- just grab some chalk! And if I ask myself anything -- What color pleases me?

And for me, the title (words) fits -- there was no question -- that some things are just supposed to be as well as the very deep knowledge that my body, soul, and mind belongs to the Universe.

Collage: Somewhere (Art Every Day for a Month)

Collage: Somewhere

I joined a blog challenge -- Art Every Day for a Month in November-- as a way to stretch myself creatively. The Challenge is hosted my Leah Piken Kolidas of Creative Every Day Blog. I have been wanting to explore and widen and deepen the few techniques I pull from and work on a bit larger platform than my small journals, so I felt this challenge would push me to do that.

Today I started with a left-handed (non-dominant) random drawing. It made me laugh that at the end I could see a swan in this mess, and not only a swan but one in Boston's Public Garden as well. Random drawing seems to be a great way for me to warm up creatively, although I find it a bit tedious and I feel like I'm in 2nd grade. The collage Somewhere came next and I just concentrated on filling the page with images. Not really thinking about anything specific -- I just want to see what emerges from my unconscious. Although it's interesting that I was pulled toward golds, coppers, and rust. Then I added blue iridescent chalk and oil pastels. Something is happening!

Random Drawing: Swan in the Public Garden

Collage: Don't Forget!

Collage: Don't Forget!

This collage was created immediately after I finished a left-handed free drawing that I done in the same journal. On my last visit with my sister, she taught me the creative (art therapy) process of drawing with your non-dominant hand (my left). You keep the pen or pencil on the page the whole time and randomly draw across the whole page -- with or without your eyes closed. I found this a challenging exercise. The first time I did it -- I HATED it! It felt so ugly -- it looked so ugly. Then I was asked to fill in the areas with color. Again I felt stupid and untalented. Once I finished my sister asked "What do you see?" I couldn't say. But she said she saw so much energy in the drawing and one particular area I had colored seemed to her to have Kali energy. When I included her perspective I could see what she meant. In the same day I created a collage that was extremely powerful. It seemed to have been let loose by this exercise.

Don't Forget is an very interesting collage for me -- it covers the whole page, it shows a woman dreaming, a woman with deflated butterfly wings, and a kind of angry woman sitting on the ground. Perhaps different aspects of my self. The many-chambered nautilus seems to represent the many passages of life. The best thing in this collage is the squirrel reaching out, perhaps yelling "Don't forget!" Don't forget about what? Me? The natural world? Don't forget to fly?

Collage: It's Crowded in Here

Collage: It's Crowded in Here

For the past 200 days I've been creating my simple journal page collages, one a day. I always try to leave a blank space in the middle, so I can write a journal entry, or a to-do list, or a one-day list. I love this technique I've developed, but I also feel a bit constrained by it. Years ago, I used to create assemblages and collages, then stopped for many, many years. And now, I think it's been 2 years since I did a full page collage. So out in my sister's art studio the other day I created a collage with the intention of covering the entire surface. I was a bit uncomfortable, but I just kept picking images, tearing, and gluing. I like the result, even if it feels a bit crowded and unbalanced. As I study the piece I realized I had picked images that all represented parts of myself -- the red-haired titan, the cheetah standing over the sleeping Buddha, the green shoot, the watcher (eyes), my sister, my mother. All sides of myself that often feel like they are jostling for attention. No wonder this collage seems crowded -- it's crowded in here!