My Creative Life Got Hijacked By Life...

From my "Portals Syllabus" Altered Book

Sigh....I think I danced away from the creative muse again....

Little energy, desire, or ability to focus. Gray moods and/or impromptu, random tears. Worry and anxiety buzzing like bees around my head. Both studios messy, chaotic and little room to move around -- or breathe. No new art to think of. Signing up for a gazillion inspirational e-courses and only getting past the first email, video, or comment/share. No desire to teach. Just want to sleep.

Does any of this ring a bell in the back of your mind? It seemed too, too familiar to me. And i was fearful that this time I'd move way for good from the creative process...and never come back.

Then I talked to a dear friend (her skill sets include being an artist and a therapist). After listening to my "symptoms" she said "Virginia, you need to give yourself a break - you're still in the grief process from your mother dying. Plus you had a 6-week total kitchen renovation. Plus you are caretaking and worrying about your beloved, but aging, 20-year old kitties". That's a lot of stress and you need to be easy with yourself. You'll return to your flow after you integrate all of these changes...."

And once she said that to me, my behavior made a bit more sense. It also allowed me to take a step back and take a deep breath. When the crying jags come out of the blue, I can stand back a bit and watch them rip, and then go on with what I am doing. It's also OK if I can only do things in bits or small chunks. It's OK if I only want to look through magazines for collage fodder. 

What i am seeing is that I am in process -- I am in the process of life -- and whatever that looks like -- that's OK.

And sooner or later my mojo will return -- it may just look a bit different than it did. And that's OK too.