Je Dessine: Letting Go of Perceptions

"Merman" acrylic

Over the Christmas holidays, while my husband was recovering from his hip replacement surgery, I had the thought to try to paint a picture of him at the beach. He is a religious body boarder and you'll see him in his wetsuit in the Northern California waves throughout the year no matter the weather or temperature. The prospect of him going without this ritual for over three months was depressing for him and I understood this need and his deep desire for that source of exercise, meditation, and natural immersion. So in late January, working from a photograph, I started a painting of him standing on the beach with the waves behind him. But I felt stuck trying to duplicate what I saw in front of my eyes. What I perceived in the photograph and translated to the canvas just didn't look or feel right. I mulled over it with with my teacher Sabrina then left. When I came back the next week I started on it again, but still not happy about what I saw. Sabrina then suggested that I start another canvas and try not to think about what I doing as I painted. We put on my favorite composer Eric Satie's music, and I talked to her non-stop about the time I had spent in New Orleans while I chose colors, outlined a shape, laid down paint. This painting is what I did in that two hour session. Although not consciously intentional -- for me it perfectly represents the essence of the man I am married to -- rising up out of the water with seaweed falling off of him and surrounded by the colors that he so loves. I did add the gills though:) I gave it to him on Valentine's Day.

Back in the Saddle Again

All Her Pretty Horses (Altered Book): "You Have to Open the Door to Let the Horse Out of the Barn"

It's been a long time since I felt the desire to write in this blog. Looking at my last post I see my last entry was dated October 26th, 2012. My personal, creative, and business side has been busy and full so I've been utilizing my Facebook Fan Page -- Kentucky Girl Designs  -- just to keep interested friends updated with my creative output. But for longer posts? I just haven't had the energy. 

I started this blog four years ago to see if I could determine whether or not I really was an artist -- or at the very least a creative person. I had an agonizing need to claim this for myself, but the fears, self-judgement, and self-criticism was so great that I couldn't find my way down the path. I couldn't get out of the barn. I would start something then drop it. I would look externally for validation and if I didn't get it I'd quit. Heck, I would quit anyway. I really didn't need a reason. But somehow I got the gumption to do something about this split. I saw all over the internet art challenges. And I got to thinking, why don't I challenge myself? Let's see if I have what it takes to create something -- anything on a consistent basis. Let's see if I can keep myself pinned down when I get bored, anxious, nauseated, distracted. Let's see if I can create ugly and beautiful. Let's see.

So I started my blog in Jan 25, 2009 to record the exploration of my creative process. And to throw the gauntlet down for myself, I started a personal art challenge of creating one journal page a day. Collage would be my medium. Then I'd scan my pages and post them here. And my goal was to stick with it for one whole year, 365 days. I figured at the end of it I'd know whether I had what it takes to be an artist, a crafts person, a creative.

The good news is that four years later I can say "Yes!" to all of the above. And even though I've stopped doing my everyday pages (I stopped at page 1061) -- or haven't come here to talk about my creative process or struggles -- I am now creating every single day. Yes, my mane still blows in the wind, and I'm loving the freedom I found to express this essential part of myself.