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An Example of My Mother's Design Sense and Playfulness...your aging parent is experiencing a life-threatening illness. I knew that this was going to be difficult. While packing for this spur-of-the-moment trip, I threw in some art supplies and a journal so that I could keep myself occupied while I sat next to my mother's hospital bed. I was going to try to keep to my challenge no matter what. So rather mindlessly, when I am not focusing on my mother's needs, or dealing with her temper tantrums, or feeling absolutely helpless, I cut up magazines and color and glue. Maybe for only a few minutes each hour. Somehow it grounds me and helps me to reconnect with a strength that I know exists somewhere within me. So it is possible to be creative in the midst of turmoil. In fact, I think it's a lifesaver. At least for me it is.
I also am aware that this trying, painful time is just part of the whole picture...we live in a beautiful, flawed world. Aging, illness, and death have nothing to do with immortality, vibrancy, beauty, life. And yet they both seem to exist together. Perhaps the truth lies somewhere in the space in between.
I think I know what u mean.. My mother is 78 and the way she acts you would think she was 30.. Not that she is trying to act young but she has not changed one iota.. stubborn as hell, and always right... It seems to have gotten harder to deal w/the older she has gotten.. Rather its harder for me because I see her mortality which actually is mine...Seeing my parents age has made me so much more aware of how I spend my days and how I treat others...
ReplyDeleteMy mother's stubborness and self-centeredness has created alot of conflict between us my whole life. I have been in a perpetual state of rebellion really, until the last few years. At one point I saw that the way she acted with me was not personal -- although it felt like it. She had an absolutely horrible relationship with her mother. However, even knowing that, it takes a tremendous amount of self-discipline on my part not to react to her actions and to hold a more accepting and loving view of her that does not surrender my boundaries. And although I wish things could have been different between us, I still love her and appreciate the traits that she did pass on to me: a sense of humor, playfulness, creativeness, intelligence, beauty. Thanks for your comment, Chrissy.
ReplyDeleteIt's 'funny' that u said your mother did not have a great relationship w/her mom... My mother was the same ... To this day my mother is always right, she has never admitted she was wrong or said 'sorry'. My grandma and I built up an alliance since we both saw my mother in the same light. And u are right it does take a lot of self-discipline to not take her actions personally... Logically I can see that my mother has low self esteem but its hard when u are a kid and your mom likes embarassing or likes to put u in awkward situations... bottom line is, I will always love her despite her faults... In fact her faults have made me be the opposite of her which I think is good cuz, I could have picked up her stubbornness and self righteous attitude..
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